Parenting a child affected by child to parent violence and aggression
I am so proud to announce that CoramBAAF has published my book on Parenting a child affected by child to parent violence and aggression in their excellent Parenting Matters series. This series is primarily aimed at adoptive parents, kinship carers and foster carers, but I know that many professionals who work with children and young people also find these books helpful. Accessibly written, they offer a professional view on parenting challenges such as toileting issues, children affected by domestic violence and children with emotional and behavioural difficulties, as well as accounts by parents and carers themselves.
Working in the field of adoption and kinship care support for many years, child to parent violence and aggression has long been an area of particular interest to me. Many of the children and young people I have worked with express their distress through verbal aggression, bullying, physical threats and violence. I see this behaviour as an effect of their early experiences, in the same way that a child who has experienced early trauma may express their distress through hiding under a table or crying.
Over the years, I have developed a way of working with child to parent violence and aggression (CPVA). My approach includes a consideration of the role that sensory processing issues, (toxic) shame and a need for control may play. Rather than seen as a problem, anger is interpreted as a way to cope with more vulnerable emotions such as shame, anxiety, disappointment, and fear of rejection. That is why "anger management" doesn't tend to work for people who have experienced trauma. Although I absolutely recognise the impact of CPVA on the adults (and siblings, and pets) in the family, my approach is unapologetically child centred.
I hope that this book will offer hope for the many children and families who live with CPVA and for the professionals working with them.
Hedwig Verhagen, author, therapeutic social worker, trainer and consultant.